In December, 2009 I got two page-a-day calendars for 2010.

Today, November 11, 2010, they’re both still showing February 12th.  Why did I save them, and why do I feel guilty at the idea of throwing them away now?  Why do I feel obligated to use them?

When I packed them up almost exactly 9 months ago, I felt the need to save them.  When I was cleaning my desk out just a few hours ago it struck me that it would do a disservice to the people who gave them to me to throw them away.  Yes, I feel guilt at the idea of throwing them away, unfinished, before the end of the year.

But the truth is I don’t really like page-a-day calendars.  I think they represent gasping for air while in a job, situation, or just generally smothering life.  They supplement real experience, and real enjoyment for “good enough” by taking away just that little bit of mundane and giving a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how faint.  Or maybe they’re just kinda annoying.  Let us not forget the fact that I let them sit idle without a second thought for 3/4 of the year.  In fact, for those 3/4 of a year while I was actually living life I don’t think I gave them a second thought.

And here I am, debating whether I should throw them away, keep them, or go through every page I missed one by one.  The only reason I’m looking at them now is because I’m cleaning out the clutter from my life, starting with the material clutter.  Since I evidently don’t use them, and in some ways they cause me more stress than pleasure, it’s time to throw them away.

I apologize to those who gave them to me.  I value you in my life, but a page-a-day calendar just isn’t the right thing for me, at this time.  I do hope you’ll understand.  I don’t understand why I feel I need to apologize, but I do.  Thanks for the thought, but next time just give me hug or something.